How to help your client change what they want.
Posted by richard on 24 May 2007 at 6:07 am | Tagged as: "How to" coach tips
In our work as professionals, we encounter people who want to make changes. Our bottom line is to help improve something. The problem is that people may want change, but they do not want to change. To improve anything means that the client has to change.
The idea of helping someone change surfaces the cause and effect principle which says that we are always getting what we want, even if we say we want something else. It sound like a catch 22. " I want this change, but I also want what I have."
To address the dilemma allow both wants to coexist. Make them visable, bring them to life, and expand on them. Explore where each could lead. Watch for a week or so to see which one moves to the front of the line after scrutiny. This can be a fun experiment. Do not argue either side. Do not defend or explain. Just figure out which want will move them forward toward their purpose (vision, improvement, desire, goal, etc.).
This process works only if they have a "place to go". If not, then conflicting wants really do not matter that much.
It is usually easier to identify the new want (the improved condition) then it is to identify the present want. If they are unsure of what they presently want in any area, look at what they already have. That will give you the clue you need.
Making these differing "wants" visable for scrutiny is very effective when you are working with managers and CEO’s. They have multiple demands that push or pull them in different directions which are very difficult to surface without the voice of reason (you).
Let me know if you do try this and how it works.
Richard 310 394 0200
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I’m not sure that looking at what my clients already have will give much of a clue as to what they want. What they have is likely what has them stuck and what’s causing their problems seeing where they want to be. I’m wondering if it might be better to be looking at what they have that they DON’T want… and then considering the opposite of that.
Kerch McConlogue